I have a friend with a four year old that refuses to poop on the potty. She has to put a pull-up on him whenever he needs to poop. At daycare he is not allowed to wear diapers or pull ups, so he poops in his pants daily. Daycare is also thinking of kicking him out since it's been going on so long. Any suggestions? My friend is desperate for any advice.
She has tried the reward system, with no luck.
Potty training is no easy process even for kids who are "ready", but when they are defiant and it becomes a control issue (like holding it until the pull-up), it is even more frustrating. What worked for us is to set aside at least one week (if not longer) where you do very little, go very few places, and focus solely on going to the bathroom. No diapers, no pull ups. Yes, it will get messy, but that's okay. The diet needs to be pretty high in fiber to get things moving. Kids who "hold it" like he is will often get really constipated so it's painful for them to go as well. By putting off other commitments for a week, the child can just focus on their natural body rhythms. As a parent, you also become aware of when they are most likely going to need to go (in the morning, or right after lunch, etc.) I know taking the time off isn't easy for working parents, but I think slowing down for a few days will help allow his bowels to relax in an environment where he is most comfortable and feels safe. Good luck.
Jayne,Thanks for the comments. I think the fiber idea is one that we so often overlook. It looks like I'm also dealing with the same issue with my two year old. I know I still have time with her, but she is a stubborn one when it comes to pleasing anyone. Why should she use the potty if she's having fun going in the diaper?
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