Monday, January 22, 2007

Here I Am

Here I am. 9:15 Monday morning. Sitting at my office desk, water coming to a boil for tea, 2007 Faces of Tibet calendar newly hung on my bulletin board, kids at daycare – my first day back at work after a year-long child-rearing leave. A lot has happened since the last time that I started a working day here at this desk… a failed plan to adopt two girls, a pending dissolution of my marriage, a new romance that sprung up then fizzled… and it’s strange to now sit here again in an office where at least from a physical standpoint, nothing has changed. And for me, this is Now – the only thing any of us have. We don’t have the past or future. We have now, and the more energy we can put into the now, the more energy will come back to us, and the more energy with which we can imbue the life that surrounds us.

So now is time to put behind me the negative energy that I felt coming from my soon-to-be-ex-husband, who stopped by the house to help me get the kids ready for school. What a funny mix…the positive of being there to help and the negative of critical comments about how the kids looked, the stiffness of the face, etc. Now is also time to put behind me the kind, smiling face of a father at daycare who had just dropped off his child and was waiting for his wife to emerge from the room. Such a kind face, and when I looked into his eyes, I felt an understanding such that can be felt between two caring parents dropping their sweet little people off at daycare for the day. Now is also time to put behind me the tears that came to my eyes when a co-worker, knowing of my marital situation, who just stopped in to welcome me back, pressed to see how I was REALLY feeling.

I just read some wise words from the Talmud, “We do not see the world as it is. We see the world as we are.” So, I believe that if I am in a place of peace, my world can be peaceful. And now is time to center myself, look at the work that needs to be done here, look with energy and compassion at each person I see. Now my tea is brewed and ready to enjoy. Now is time to stop writing.

1 comment:

StuntMom said...

Karen, with all of the changes that have gone on in your life over the last year, you have continued to be one of the strongest people I can say I have ever had the pleasure to get to know. Maybe you should write a book. I know if my husband ever leaves me, or I find myself in such a loss situation, I will NEED to read your book for inspiration, so I imagine there are pleny out there who would want to read it too.

Start writing, it could be a wonderful distraction, obsession, and the thing that is going to fill the void. Feel free to stay up late typing your thoughts for stuntmom just to get started!